Best part of the Oscars? The day after, listening to everyone bitch about the injustice of the selections. (“How the hell did some movie about old British guys who ran a race like a million years ago possibly beat out Raiders of the Lost Freaking Ark?”) But alas, these days, more of the post-ceremony pique is directed at how terrible the show itself is. (“How the hell do they do an entire In Memorium and leave out Tobe Freaking Hooper?”) These days, if you really want to hear the bitchiness, you have to check your Twitter feed right after the nominations are announced.

So I have read all the complaints about Bradley Cooper and Barry Jenkins, First Man and First Reformed (I agree with that last one, BTW.) These are the SNUBS – the ugliest word in Hollywood, an insult of monumental significance. The pain of a snubee – well, I just don’t know what to say. It is truly incalculable.

I have to admit that I am just a wee bit jaded when it comes to these things. I mean, I am an unabashed fan of the Oscars. Always have been. But even I can admit that they are kind of stupid and generally self-congratulatory to an offensive degree. (Fun Fact: right up until the nominations, IndieWire was still listing Welcome to Marwen as having an outside chance of a Best Picture nod. Add self-delusional to self-congratulatory.)

I’m establishing some rules for my snub column. First and foremost, I’m not picking anything from the “glamor categories.” That includes any acting, writing, or directing award, or any of the seven “picture” awards. Considering that none of my top five movies of the year got a Best Picture nomination, it seems pointless for me to pick out snubs in that category. And when I say “my top five movies,” I’m not talking about obscure silent experimental indies – I’m referring to my top five Oscar-eligible movies of 2019. That’s my second rule – in order to be considered a snub, you had to be eligible in the first place. So for instance, even though the song “Dwa Serduszka” from Cold War is one of two most significant songs in a movie in 2019 (the other being the eventual winner “Shallow”) it is not eligible for an award because it is not an original song. So no glamor categories (and did you like how I included the screenplay awards in that group? My screenwriter friends should get a nice chuckle out of being considered “glamorous”) and no ineligible selections. And – my biggest complaint about most snub lists: you may not say someone was snubbed without eliminating someone else from the nominee list. After all, we can’t nominate everyone. That’s it as far as rules goes.

So here are five shameful and shabby, ignoble and immoral, unjust and unrighteous snubs from this year’s Oscar nominations. Yes – I have a thesaurus.

CINEMATOGRAPHY

In: Linus Sandgren – First Man

Out: Matthew Libatique – A Star is Born

I am not one of those who feels First Man was snubbed for Best Picture. In fact, I have an entire theory about Damien Chazelle’s need for music as a way to leaven a rather dark worldview. But that is for another time. The entire production of First Man was first rate. Libatique did a fine job on Star, but this is a jam-packed category this year. I mean, not just one, but two black & white, foreign language movies in the running this year. That’s some tough sledding.

COSTUME DESIGN

In: Mary E. Vogt – Crazy Rich Asians

Out: Sandy Powell – Mary Poppins Returns

Here’s the thing about costume design awards. They usually go to period pieces. There’s some justification for that, but when a movie with a contemporary setting relies on its costumes to the extent that CRA does, I think it deserve some recognition. And don’t feel too bad for Sandy Powell. She scored another nomination (and has an excellent chance of winning) for her work on The Favourite.

EDITING

In: Tom Cross – First Man

Out: Patrick J. Don Vito – Green Book

I am not one of those who feels First Man … wait, I already said that. Again, I was not as taken with the overall movie as I was with the outstanding technical achievements. I suppose the editing in Green Book was nice, but I certainly don’t remember thinking, “wow, what editing!” Now there are some who will tell you that is the sign of quality editing, and I don’t disagree. However, I don’t know that it deserves award recognition. But here’s what I really wanted to say about Editing. It is the best hidden marker for the eventual Best Picture winner. The last movie to take the big prize without securing an editing nomination was Birdman just a few year’s ago. But Birdman was an anomaly considering that most people thought of it as an unedited, single take movie. Before that, you have to go all the way back to 1981, when Ordinary People pulled it off. Those numbers do not bode well for fans of Roma and A Star is Born.

MAKEUP AND HAIRSTYLING

In: Sonia Cedrone, Paola Cristofaroni, Donatella Borghesi, Lydia De Martin and Manolo Garcia – Suspiria

Out: Greg Cannom, Kate Biscoe and Patricia DeHaney – Vice

The team on Vice did an outstanding job making Christian Bale look like the older Dick Cheney. But if that’s the only standard you are going by, then Suspiria deserves the spot for essentially doing something similar to Tilda Swinton, twice, including changing her gender. And I hate to say it, but as well as the Vice team did with the older Cheney, I think they fell down with the younger Cheney. I never for a moment believed Bale as the younger Cheney, which I think is part performance, and part makeup. Border did an amazing job on multiple characters, and Mary is simply good old-fashioned Hollywood hair and makeup at its best. So Vice has to go.

ORIGINAL SONG

In: “Flower of the Universe” by Sade, Andrew Hale and Ben Travers – A Wrinkle in Time

Out: “The Place Where Lost Things Go” by Marc Shaiman and Scott Wittman – Mary Poppins Returns

Sade’s beautiful song is the best thing about A Wrinkle in Time. And “Lost Things” isn’t even the best song in Mary Poppins Returns. (That would be “A Cover is Not the Book,” oddly left off the shortlist.) But I admit, I never completely understand this award. And I can’t have Joanna Kulig singing “Dwa Serduszka”, so, really, what’s the point?

OK, those are mine. Toss in your own. Oh, and to save me the trouble of doing this next year, I already know that the biggest snub in 2020 will be the failure of the Academy to nominate They Shall Not Grow Freaking Old for both Sound Mixing and Sound Editing. But more on that next year. I can only bitch so much in one sitting.