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A Melburnian Aussie in an American Grocery Store!

by

James Curnow

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You’ll have to excuse me for a moment while I make an incredibly tenuous connection between my 20km trek to Melbourne’s USA Foods grocery store and my relationship with cinema!

No American will ever understand the complex relationship that a non-American cinephile has with American junk food. We all know about Twinky’s and In-N-Out burgers, but few of us have had the privliege of tasting these foods. Of course, it’s not the taste that matters to the cinephile – most of us would be happy with the simple thrill of witnessing an object that usually only exists in the cinematic universe.

So, while I’ve travelled to the US before, there was something incredibly satisfying about travelling to the far off USA Foods store in Melbourne to find just a few of these artifacts in MY universe…

Melburnian
The Melburnian mecca for incredibly unhealthy American food stuffs.
Melburnian
“Well, let’s say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of psychokinetic energy in the New York area. Based on this morning’s sample, it would be a Twinkie… thirty-five feet long, weighing approximately six hundred pounds.”
Melburnian
“D’ya have a good sarsaparilla?”
“Sioux City Sarsaparilla.”
“Yeah, that’s a good one.”
Melburnian
“Can I get some hot sauce for my donut?”
Melburnian
“I’ll have the clam chowder, fried chicken and baked potato and a chocolate chiffon pie.”
“In that case, may I advise against the clam chowder.”
“No clam chowder. Thank you.”
“I’ll have the clam chowder, the fried chicken…”
“The lady eating the clam chowder?”
“No clam chowder, thank you.”
Melburnian
“You a hot dog.”
“He´s a hot dog.”

Melburnian
“…ten pounds of beef jerky, twenty pounds of horse grain.”

Comments

One response to “A Melburnian Aussie in an American Grocery Store!”

  1. MaxP Avatar
    MaxP

    Looks like a great place to visit, but you wouldn’t want to eat there : )